I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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