i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
