grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
