It's Friday. Sex?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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