I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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