i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
