I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
