Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
