Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
