bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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