ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
