Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
