Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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