I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
