I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
