I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
