Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
