how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I came so hard my ears popped.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
