one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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