You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
