I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
