I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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