she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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