Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
