i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
