mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
