you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
