i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
