Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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