Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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