I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
