I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i will never coherently bang her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
