but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
