I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
