Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
