After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
