Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
