i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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