The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
