Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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