Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
