He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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