how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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