He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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