I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
