ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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