Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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