Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
