Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
