He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a search helicopter?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had sex on a roof
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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