I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I bet he comes in French.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
