My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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